God Is Good, God Is Great

Dec 31,1988 Saturday

God is good. today's the last day of the year. time again for introspection but this time, no longer a selfish reexamining of one's self but one of regard for all who had been a part of one eventful year. so much had happened the past year. one doesn't count as most eventful a great success. to be able to live fully 365 days is eventful enough. for the heart to beat some 80 beats a minute, 31, 536,000 in a year, isn't that eventful enough?

and so here i am in this room, small and ill-lit but it's here where mahal and i first nurtured giselle. rectangular, about 20 ft. X 18 ft., its barrenness is complemented by an assortment of books tidily stacked on a big bookshelf at the left of the door. i've lived in this room for more than four years, more than three years of those as a single person. how could i forget the lonely meanderings, vacuous stares, foolishness, foolishness and a bunch of more foolishness. but through those, i dream of nurturing giselle and to complete my life with mahal. we had our shares of sad days and i hope that they come to an end. for the Lord had His arms wrapped around us all those sad days. God is good.

the year was full of a mixture of ups and downs but i must not forget that if i want to live under God's dominion, i must bear in mind that for God, my successes He sees as failures and my failures as successes for He judges the worth of things intrinsically. the world's no longer a battlefield but a long road where to be one with Him, one ought not to keep one's mind off Him. adversaries both imagined and real lie in wait on either side of the road, temptations beckon, sometimes tiredness will take the legs out of him, yet he must go on, until His hand cut off the cord that separates him from Him.

so many had died and so many were born the past year. some were cut off so early in life that mortals ask where God's mercy is. But for those who love God, they know that God is good. He knows of course the reason for any reason. If i could see the future and could find out that giselle would be wicked unto death, i would rather have her killed early. but who am i to wish it were so? it's the graciousness of God that He is willing to accept a wicked person's heartfelt repentance, even at the point of death. i saw many sufferings; i also saw jubilation over the birth of a baby. hunger had been the lot of the poorest on earth. tv and newspapers showed a lot of withered faces, distended abdomen, and eyes longing for food. while the poorest of countries hungered for food, the richest ones continued to perfect their dog food formula. i've seen them all. on the other hand, the march of materialism continues unabated, while that of spirituality lags far behind simply because man has chosen the wide road over the narrow road.

and what am i in this mass of humanity but a speck of dust who desires a better lot for the rest, not comprehending that having giselle, gina and God is wealth in itself. to know Him, He desires that; to love Him, He desires that; to obey Him, he desires the most. for how can you know and love somebody w/o surrendering all of your desires, your wants, your whole being to that somebody. next year... so help me God. And God is good. so what is there to worry about.