Seasons of Life

    february 1 mon. '88

    The seasons of life - getting married, having a baby, getting old...

    i'm now a week away from pinas. old love songs playing from a tape recorder intensify my loneliness but nevertheless i'd like to listen to them. i feel restless again, a restlessness not different from those of the past. i don't know what i want. i think it's because i miss my mahal so much. called in sick today and i plan to call again tomorrow. it's almost midnight now. i wrote a long letter for mahal. i also saw pictures taken in the airport when nanay, tatay, and sam left. there were things that i worried about before i went home that turned out okay. Yes getting married isn't easy. the feeling of nervousness which most grooms encounter, i didn't feel so much. everything went smoothly, as far as i could remember. i was happy to be with her except for 2 occasions when we looked back at the past. always, always, those are the causes of our pains so why look back?. i admire dogs. you kick him now, a minute later, he'll be wagging his tail at you. if we humans can only learn to forgive and forget. we have a film of our wedding and many pictures. and many beautiful memories, mostly of times we spent together. i love my wife... so very much...

    feb 22, mon. '88

    jimmy swaggart confessed to seeing a prostitute. just shows how we humans are fallible. mahal might be with me in three weeks. i feel better at the thought. i need to send her money and pay for her ticket. i can do those today since it's my day off. yeah! i feel excited at the thought: having a baby? mahal didn't say how many weeks the baby is when she wrote. maybe they couldn't say in weeks. but she's pregnant for sure and come october i will have a son or a daughter. the thought that i will be raising a family sometimes scares me. but everybody, willing or not, has to go through it. others do it early and others, like me, late. there are some things that i have experienced comparatively late: having a girlfriend, getting a job(24), marriage(31), and now, kids(33). of course, i learned to drink and gamble at age 21 and 26. now, i'm contemplating about going to school and get a degree.

    it consoles me to think that it's always not too late to try a variety of things. it saddens me to realize, `tho, that my youth is gone and age is creeping up on me. i guess gone is the wrong word for wasted. my youth was wasted and at the thought, i always feel sad - because it's irretrievable. to think that i lived through it in fear is depressing. now, i'm getting old. Lord, give me serenity to accept what i cannot change, courage to change what i can, and wisdom to know the difference. if i look at myself as a failure, i would be very discontented. if i continually look at the past with regret, it doesn't help; it doesn't improve my lot. what i need is a new direction. and i'm happy to realize that i made the first steps by going back to mahal despite the difficulties to do so, marrying her and having a baby. to get married and fathering a child - such ordinary human experiences; how they can change a person's life!

    october 1 '88



    9:15 pm - 9:46 pm    31 min.;    9:46 pm -10:10 pm    24 min;     10:10 pm- 10:30 pm   20 min.;    10:30 pm - 10:55 pm   25 MIN.;    10:55 pm - 11:03 pm   8 MIN.;    11:03 pm - 11:16 pm   13 MIN.;    11:16 pm - 11:30 pm   14 MIN.;    11:30 pm - 11:40 pm   10 min.

    to Queen of the Valley Hosp. California soon after

    @ 2:37 AM, OCTOBER 2, 1988 GISELLE WAS BORN

    God is good, He's so gracious...Her name is Giselle. She was born at 2:37 am of October 2nd, 1988.
    7 lbs., 10 oz. 21 inches. She's so beautiful.